Flaws, Failings, and Consequences

From Genesis 31-36...

Part 1:

From our past reading we have clearly understood that Jacob is a deceiver and a manipulator. When he met Laban, he finally met his match. So Jacob works diligently for Laban and Laban continues to change his wages and accuse him of treachery, although the Bible indicates that Jacob, in this endeavor, was completely honest and blameless.

Have you ever been in a situation where you truly did nothing wrong but were accused of wrong doing? I have had this happen with personal relationships and also at work. It is a completely helpless feeling because, in general, I live my life believing that if I do my best and try my hardest and live righteously then I will be honored or rewarded. But what if that is not what happens? When I have encountered this situation I felt completely helpless. I felt as if I could not even defend myself because there was nothing to defend. If there is no infraction then what is there to defend, right? What we learn from this story, though, is that even though injustice was being done upon Jacob, God did not fail. Every time Laban changed Jacob's wages, God yielded the flocks to favor Jacob. Laban's every attempt to cheat Jacob led to him losing more and more of his property. Jacob didn't have to do a thing. Neither do we.

All we have to do is obey God and work with excellence as if we are working directly for Him, because after all, aren't we?

Part 2:

Jacob realizes that the only way he is going to get out of this corrupt environment is to sneak away in the middle of the night, so he rounds up his huge family and all his hard-earned property and they flee.

Laban chases after them because Rachel had stolen his household idols, unbeknownst to Jacob. This is what I find incredibly interesting and worth reflection: Laban confronts Jacob about the theft and Jacob doesn't even ask if anyone took the idols! He makes this rash oath that if the idols are found in his company than the person with whom they are found will be put to death.

Don't you find that interesting? This man who lived his life by lies and deceit doesn't even search himself before pronouncing his own innocence. He got so comfortable with God blessing him that he began to feel superior to Laban and above all reproach. Don't we sometimes do the same thing? When we are wronged there is a temptation to take on an attitude of superiority such that we cease even asking ourselves if any fault lies within ourselves.

Unfortunately, Jacob was wrong. Even though Laban did not find the stolen idols that day, Rachel had stolen them, and God heard Jacob's vow. Rachel later died in childbirth and was buried alone in the middle of the wilderness, while the rest of her family moved on. (Jacob would later be buried beside his first wife, Leah).

What if Jacob had asked his company if anyone had taken the idols, instead of making such a brazen vow? What if he had considered that there might be some fault on his side? Might his wife have survived Benjamin's birth? Might she, too, have lived long enough to see her son, Joseph, ruling as Prime Minister of Egypt. In addition, if Jacob had asked if the idols were there and Rachel had come forth, Jacob would have surrendered them to Laban and idolatry could have been cast out of his family once and for all.

We condemn ourselves when we do not take responsibility for our actions. We prevent God from doing the work He longs to do within us. Even when we have been blameless in the past, even if we believe we are blameless now, we should always search our hearts and see if there is any fault within. There almost always will be until we are finally perfected in God's glorious presence.

Trusting an Unfailing God

Genesis 25-30

Well, I am sorry to say this, but have you noticed that thus far in the book of Genesis the example that most of the women have given us is precisely what NOT to do? While Rachel was pregnant with Jacob and Esau God told her what there future would be like. "Two nations are warring within you and the younger will rule the older." In that revelation God didn't say a single thing like, "Now, Rachel, I'm gonna need your help on this one..." Did He? No, of course not.

But, like Sarah before her, and so many of us after her, she took matters into her own hands. In order to help God bring His will to pass Rachel betrayed one of her own sons and deceived her husband. I cannot even begin to imagine the long lasting impact her deception would have on her marriage, and would Esau ever speak to her again? Finally, she loses the one thing she most cared about. She has to send Jacob away to protect his life from the brother she helped, and even persuaded him to betray. She loses everything in her life that mattered in a single act of mistrust.

Reading about how prone to intervention these first women of the Bible were, Eve, Sarah, Rachel (even remember Lot's wife and daughters) it should scream out to us as a warning. GOD KNOWS WHAT HE IS DOING! If He has made you a promise, HE WILL BRING IT TO PASS. If He has told you something, HE WILL SEE IT THROUGH.

As we wait and wonder when He will act, let us remember the examples He intentionally left for us. Let us learn from their mistakes and let us not repeat them. Let us learn to trust God, His wisdom and His perfect timing. He always knows what He is doing and nothing ever takes Him by surprise.

This lesson was brought home very personally for me as Owen and I struggled with our few years of infertilty. There was no known reason why we couldn't conceive. This was sometimes an encouragement, it is always better that nothing be wrong, right? Other times it was a great frustration, for if nothing was wrong there was nothing for me to fix, and I find myself to be a great fixer...at least in my mind.

Owen and I had determined long before this struggle that we did not personally beieve in intervening to force conception. This conviction is not for everyone and I could never pass judgment on another couple as they face this incredible difficult choice. I only know what was right for us. For our situation we both believed that our only coioce was to trust God. In His time we believed that we would conceive.

A little over two years into our struggle God allowed me to discover my intolerance to gten. That discovery brought with it not only pregnancy, but the greatest quality of life change I could have imagined. It was not merely God's will for us to have a beautiful baby boy. It was also His will for me to be in perfect health, thriving as I carried and now raise that precious child. Had we intervened and tried to force our will we might have succeeded in creating a life, for God often allows our will to prevail, even when it is contrary to His, as evidenced by the reading which inspires this entry. But, although we might have succeeded in attaining the child we desired, I would continue to be ill, and who is to say that I would have been able to sustain the pregnancy? And though any child is precious, a child created at any other time would not have been this child. He or she would not have been my beautiful Noble boy. And what joy would I now be missing in my life if this sweet boy were not a part of it?

You see, there is so much more to our faith in God's purposes than merely our own life and choices. Whose life might be depending on my faith in God's promises? Whose life might be impacted by my forcing of my own will for my own purposes?

It is not merely for myself that I must trust my God. He is Master, Creator, Lord of all creation. He holds the future in His hands - not merely my future, but all future. I must trust Him. I must believe Him. He has never failed me.

Do I Trust Him?

This week's Bible blog is inspired from Genesis chapters 19-24.

There is so much in this section that it is really difficult for me to pick my usual one story to focus on so I am going to focus on a theme.

God promised Abraham and Sarai a son. For the sake of brevity I am going to skip all of their doubts along the way but let's just agree that we can hardly blame them for wondering how they were going to birth a child of their own as Centenarians. (That's my SAT word for people in their 100's.)

So, miracle of miracles occurs and they do, by natural means with no intervention, conceive and give birth to a healthy baby boy. I know that most of you have also read this story, but it helps me to summarize.

This is what I find incredible about the coming scene. Sarah asks to send Hagar and Ishmael away. Although it hurts Abraham because he loves Ishmael, who is, after all, also his flesh and blood, God tells Abraham that it will be OK. Just let them go. So Abraham gives up his first born son.

Think about this, it is so interesting. Ishmael was the child born of the flesh. God promised a miracle and Sarah didn't have enough faith to receive the miracle so she interceded and told Abraham to have a son through her maid. (Let's not even get into the way marriage worked back then!!) Through their own strength and their own efforts, apart from God's will, they brought their own will to pass. Hagar had a son, and God had to send him out of Abraham's life. They had to get rid of their own dream before God could do something with the dream HE gave to them.

Then, after Ishmael has been sent away, Abraham's only son remaining is Isaac, and God asks Abraham to sacrifice Isaac. Can't you hear the dialogue?

Abraham pleads, "But God, I waited and I waited for this promise to come true and now you want me to kill the very dream that you brought to fruition in my life?"

God replies, "You trusted me then, you need to trust me now."

Abraham: "But you already sent away my other son. I have no one left. There are no heirs to my family. Aren't my decendants supposed to outnumber the sands of the sea?"

God has only one response, "Either you trust me, or you don't. So, Abraham, do you trust me?"

Abraham packs his son up and climbs the mountain. Can't you imagine that every step of the way he was searching the woods for a lamb, a goat, anything that would let him out of this. Every step higher on that mountain he must have been trying to drown out his own agony to strain and hear God speak, for surely God was going to call this whole thing off.

Can you picture Isaac, a young boy climbing up the mountain with his father?

"Hey, Dad! Did you see that rabbit over there? I bet I can jump as high as he can! Watch me try!!" and as Abraham watches his son, who trusts him completely, try to jump off a log and onto a rock his heart aches over the choice before him. Do I trust God or do I love my so? of course the two questions are incompatible in reality. If we completely trust God then we love those around us so much more perfectly. But it is so easy to understand why Abraham would feel torn by this step of faith that God asked of him.

Now this is the cream of the story to me. Abraham ties Isaac up and places him on the alter. You have to think that if Isaac, a young, strong boy, had put up any sort of fight against his father, who was well over 100 by this time, then Abraham wouldn't have had a chance at successfully binding him. That tells me that Isaac didn't struggle. Isaac must have asked, "Why, Daddy?"

And all Abraham could say was, "God told me to, but I know that He will provide a way out of this. Isaac, do you trust me?"

Here Abraham was, asking of his son the very same faith that God had asked of him...and they BOTH passed this test. Isaac trusted Abraham and Abraham trusted God.

So after all of that I have a few questions to ask myself.

1. What has God asked me to surrender? Do I have to let go of an old dream? (Ishmael) or am I being asked to sacrifice the very dream God brought to pass in my life? (Isaac)

2. Is there anyone else whose faith is depending on whether or not I trust God to bring His promises for my life to pass?

3. Who is watching me and trusting me?

4. Whatever He has asked of me, Do I trust Him?

These are questions that I have to ask myself over and over again. But hopefully each time God asks something of me I am able to more quickly respond in faith. Each test produces greater trust as I watch him faithfully provide for every one of my needs.

He is, indeed, faithful. It is I who sometimes lack faith.

Losing Myself and Finding the New Me

I was talking last night with a friend whose family is much larger than mine. I was sharing with her some of my current struggles as a still relatively new Mom.

When put into perspective, a new mother loses a lot. There is no doubt that anything lost is more than made up for by the addition of the wonderful new person in your life, but I believe every loss should be recognized and grieved, even if only momentarily.

We went on a family road trip in March and explored the Grand Canyon. Before Noble was born Owen and I would have hiked down to the bottom and camped out for a night then hiked our way back up. With Noble in our family I carried a 22 lb. pack on my back, front or side all across the expanse of the south rim. It was fun to hear his "ooh's" and "aah's" and see him smile and clap at nature's beauty, but it was certainly quite a difference experience this year than it would have been two years ago. Let's go back a bit.

Pregnancy was amazing and I sincerely look forward to experiencing it again, but the farther the pregnancy progressed, the bigger Noble grew, the more I began to feel that my body was no longer my own. I think this is God's way of easing us into the shock of motherhood gently.

Then the blessed event occurred. Out into the world emerged my beautiful baby boy and from that moment on I discovered that my body truly was not my own. I did not even know this saggy, post-pregnancy body. To whom did it belong and how did I get stuck inside it? Then, when he was just about two months old my husband and I sat down to figure out how much time I spent nursing. Can you guess? In a one week period with a two month old baby I spent up to 37 hours a week nursing. That is a full time job in any country! No wonder I felt that I was no longer my own!

Of course, those days pass swiftly and now I have a 14 month old toddler who runs from morning until night. He requires much care but entertains himself just enough for me to have a few minutes to ask myself a few questions.

I sat down one day and realized that since he was born I have given up a job that I loved, a career that I loved and excelled in, a city that I loved, and with it good friends. I have not been away from my baby for longer than three hours since his birth over 14 months ago. I have done nothing alone with girlfriends in that time and I have not gone on a single date alone with my husband without our son along for the adventure. (Before you feel sorry for me know that this coming week our big first date is panned! Yes!!) That is a lot to give up in a short time.

Please understand, I am not complaining about any of these changes. Everyone of them was a deliberate choice and I would choose the very same today as I chose a year and a half ago. But when I sat down and acknowledged these differences I suddenly understood why I have often felt so lost over the last year. I am not the same girl who brought that baby into the world. I'm a grown up now! Of course my life is going to change. And change isn't always a bad thing, is it?

In John 15:3 Jesus says, "Greater love has no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends." How much more is it my honor to lay down my life for my family? Jesus also said that he who loses his life will find it.

It is true that I have lost something by becoming a mother. I have lost independence and self-indulgence. I have lost spontaneity and flexibility. But I have gained infinite love for my child and my husband. I have gained confidence and boldness as a woman. I have gained respect and admiration for every other woman around me.

Yes, I had to say goodbye to my footloose pre-baby self. And it's going to take me a little bit of time to get to know the new woman I'm becoming, but I think she is well worth knowing and I'm so glad that my baby gave me the chance to find out all I could become.